dogma3627

I wish I had never learned your email password. We had been together for 4 years so perhaps it was inevitable… asking me to check your email on occasion when you weren't in front of a computer… using the same 4 digit number as your ATM pin. I finally crossed the line after 4 years and read your email. You had stopped talking to me for a week because you needed space and time to think. And I was hysterical. You were 600 miles away in this long distance relationship. How much more space and time away from me could you need? Not long before, when my sister's marriage was falling apart and she was reading her husband's email, you had said, "You know that you can read my email. I have no secrets from you." Well, you did have secrets and they were far buried in the Sent Mail of an old email account. The password worked and I was hurting and looking for answers and looking hard and there was your secret. An email to an old female co-worker sent two years earlier, halfway through our relationship. You wrote, "I just moved to Harrisburg and I'm single now. I'm finding it hard to date." What?! Single?! At this same time, you were crying to me on the phone, telling me that you missed me and that you loved me. Was this two years of fraud on your part? Two years of playing with my heart and my life? Looking back, there were so many different decision that I would have made if I had known that you didn't really love me. Why didn't you have the balls to break up with me sooner? You're such a pussy. The other emails I found after you broke up with me were just as painful. Promises of diamond earrings to an old girlfriend. (The last gift you bought me was a crystal necklace from an airport store.) Telling people that our breakup was coming for a long time. (How long?) Registration for numerous online porn sites. (I hope the viruses and pop-up windows on those sites caused your computer to crash.) But you know what? It's okay. Life has worked out quite well for me in the past few years. Great job, amazing friends, and a wonderful new boyfriend. And the new boyfriend… I don't EVER want to learn his email password.